More than Sad

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I don’t want to call it the black dog. Because I like dogs.
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I don’t want to see it as a dark cloud. Because I like clouds.
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Most of us know something of depression. Whether we’ve experienced it first hand, or casually seen an ad about it online. But in a conversation I had about it recently, someone admitted “To be honest, I don’t really understand it. It’s being really sad, right? But not really for any reason?”
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Our limited understanding and vague concept of depression leave us vulnerable. It makes it hard to see it in ourselves, maybe hard to spot it in others. Yes, sadness is an element of depression, but only one aspect. What needs to be understood is that depression is a disease of the mind, a disorder of perception and cognition – of sensing and thinking. It distorts how we experience the world, so much so that everything we see is filtered through an insidious lens and becomes a mangled and tarnished reinforcement of all the bad stuff we’ve been thinking about. It can be all-consuming and cyclical, it drains ones hope and ones strength, and  just like cancer, the longer it’s left untreated, the more dangerous it is to those experiencing it.
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It is more than sad.
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Imagine you are wearing dirty glasses. Doesn’t matter how they got dirty – the fact is that now they’re dirty, it’s impossible to see things right. Your friends don’t wear glasses, they can see just fine, but when you’re looking at the same things, you’re  taking it in differently, and because of your glasses, things don’t look as good to you. Now imagine you never learn how to clean your glasses. Imagine you don’t even know you can take them off. They become grubbier and grubbier. The world becomes foggier and uglier. Every little thing becomes hard to do. Every interaction or task, laborious and difficult. You can imagine how a world like that feels hopeless. You can imagine how a future like that looks bleak. With no concept that your glasses are seperate from yourself and removable, your view through the lenses seem to show life as it is. And it’s not a nice view. 
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We need to start understanding depression better. As something that is not just “sad” but a gross distortion of how we think about and experience the world – like living life in a dirty pair of glasses. Once we realise that depression is something outside of ourselves, we are more powerful to make changes in order to heal, to know that it’s possible to see the world again in a different way, clearer and brighter.
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Remember no one can clean someone else’s glasses for them. A conversation, a call to a counselor, a session with a psych can help but what is also needed is better understanding of depression and mental illness. We need to keep educating ourselves of the risks, the signs and the reality of this disease and that it can look different on everyone. Our best defence is knowledge. There are plenty of resources available online to learn more – about symptoms and about treatment.
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And finally we need to keep practicing resilience, even in our strongest moments, because depression and mental illness do not discriminate. They can touch all of us at any time. So let’s keep having conversations about understanding and prevention.
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Below I’ve included some of the American Psychological Association’s top ten ways to build resilience. These are for everyone. But, if you feel like you might be experiencing depression, know that you can access treatment at any time. In Aus, your GP will provide you with ten subsidised psych sessions a year (you should use them all and try to find someone you can really talk to). Or you can also access free, self-guided e-therapy online (http://headspace.org.au/ – it sounds hokey but it’s really great). Treatment might not work instantly but it’s a good first step. The world doesn’t have to be the world you see through dirty glasses.
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The APA’s Top Ten Ways to Build Resilience
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Make connections. Good relationships with close family members, friends or others are important. Accepting help and support from those who care about you and will listen to you strengthens resilience. Some people find that being active in civic groups, faith-based organizations, or other local groups provides social support and can help with reclaiming hope. Assisting others in their time of need also can benefit the helper.
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Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems. You can’t change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to these events. Try looking beyond the present to how future circumstances may be a little better. Note any subtle ways in which you might already feel somewhat better as you deal with difficult situations.
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Accept that change is a part of living. Certain goals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that you can alter.
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Move toward your goals. Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly — even if it seems like a small accomplishment — that enables you to move toward your goals. Instead of focusing on tasks that seem unachievable, ask yourself, “What’s one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?”
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Take decisive actions. Act on adverse situations as much as you can. Take decisive actions, rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses and wishing they would just go away.
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Look for opportunities for self-discovery. People often learn something about themselves and may find that they have grown in some respect as a result of their struggle with loss. Many people who have experienced tragedies and hardship have reported better relationships, greater sense of strength even while feeling vulnerable, increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality and heightened appreciation for life.
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Nurture a positive view of yourself. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience.
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Keep things in perspective. Even when facing very painful events, try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.
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Maintain a hopeful outlook. An optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear.
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Take care of yourself. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Taking care of yourself helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with situations that require resilience.
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Additional ways of strengthening resilience may be helpful. For example, some people write about their deepest thoughts and feelings related to trauma or other stressful events in their life. Meditation and spiritual practices help some people build connections and restore hope.
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The key is to identify ways that are likely to work well for you as part of your own personal strategy for fostering resilience.

The Art of Putting Yourself Down

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There is a trend among some to be outspoken and vocal about the parts of themselves they’re unhappy with. The art of the put-down is less fashionable now but I remember, particularly back in high school, when it was the done thing. And I was certainly a master.
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Putting myself down around others was an attempt at reasserting my humility. It tried to quash any suppositions of the narcissistic, egotistical aspects of my character that people might have read into. The idea that someone might take me for “loving myself” made me very concerned. I didn’t want to be seen in that way. So the easiest way to express myself was to offer frequent reminders to others that I was less than happy with a great slew of general aspects of who I was.
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The acknowledgement and dissatisfaction of certain personal qualities was real. And I’m sure, not unique to me. However, the need to share this in the company of others was not particularly brave and vulnerable. Nor did it act as a great impetus for change.
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Constant reinforcement of how crap I thought I was didn’t motivate me to improve.

And sharing it with others merely reconfirmed those insecurities – because even when people would argue back and insist I was wrong, I didn’t believe them anyway.
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It’s taken a while, but I have since learned what a dangerous and detrimental behaviour this is (here’s when my nana and dad both roll their eyes because they’d been telling me this for years.) Not only does repeating these self-derogatory notions continue to give them more power and truth in your own mind, but the social expression of these notions also helps build them into your public identity. You become the person who isn’t good enough, the person who is insecure, the person who lacks confidence and dislikes themselves. You can also inadvertently make people feel worse about themselves by putting yourself down – if you’re constantly saying “I’m so fat” or “I’m so ugly” some people will use that benchmark at which to judge themselves. And if they consider themselves less attractive than you – you’ve just indirectly called them fat and ugly (it’s not nice, is it?)
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The idea of “self-love” now is very much in vogue, and as much as it’s used as a tool for making us buy more of Rhianna’s new Fenty line and other shit we probably don’t need, it’s a much more healthy and empowering attitude to be encouraging. It reminds you “It’s great to like yourself!” It doesn’t mean you think you’re perfect – but it reinforces positive and adaptive ways of thinking about ourselves that help us develop, grow and flourish.
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Next time you ‘re on the verge of negative self-talk – check yourself and see how you can rephrase that thought into something more healthy and useful. Make an effort to remind yourself of THREE THINGS you like about yourself, every time you think about something you don’t (because negative cognitions carry more weight than positive ones). And if someone offers you a compliment, just f*ckin’ take it. Don’t challenge it if you don’t believe it – someone has seen something good in you that they deem worthy of mentioning. Perhaps it might even be true.

Why Social Media Makes You Feel Crappy About Yourself

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A few months ago a bunch of Insta-models shared polls in their Instagram stories asking if followers thought Social Media seriously harms mental health. The general consensus was a resounding YES and the research seems to back it up. A number of recent studies have been done investigating the effects of social media usage on our psychological well-being and they’ve shown that many of us tend to feel pretty crappy after an extensive stint spent on the socials.
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So why does it make us feel like crap? Well, aside from the fact that time spent on social media is time spent not doing other stuff we’re probs supposed to be doing (pls dont make me vacuum) one of the leading theories is Social Comparison theory. Basically, we see depictions of others that are a closer representation of our concept of the “Ideal” and we compare ourselves against those. It’s effect is particularly strong when it comes to making comparisons against “ideal body types” (for anglo, white women, it’s called the “thin ideal”), but can pretty much apply to any aspect of life. It’s likely that there will be people on your feeds that represent aspects of life that you would consider closer to your ideal (remember, representations can often be deceiving). The space between where you’re at and where they’re at can cause some stress and anxiety. “I wish I had that job/degree/house/family life/relationship/friendship group”, etc. Their relative social proximity to you can also increase these crappy feelings.
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How can we combat these feelings? There are two ways, either change your Social Media usage or change your concept of the “Ideal”. Sounds simple, right?
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It’s easy to get sucked into Social Media. Almost 75% of Australians actively use it (ABS, 2014), it’s on our smart phones which makes it constantly accessible, and it’s pretty much optimised by web gurus to make it as addictive as possible (it’s like internet crack). If it’s making you feel shitty, try limiting your time spent on it or deleting apps off your smartphone so you can only access it from your computer. If that’s too huge a leap, try curating your feeds a little better to stop following pages or users that make you feel angry, frustrated, jealous, resentful of or bad about yourself.
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Changing your concept of the “ideal” requires a little more of a philosophical expedition. What we consider “ideal” is wrapped up in a lifetime of experiences, exposure, and social conditioning. Often ideas of what we want don’t always come from an honest and authentic place, and might instead be ego-fuelled by the need to prove something to ourselves and others. These things might not get us any closer to living happy and fulfilling lives – but it’s super easy to think they will (more 👏🏼 money 👏🏼 pls). 
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Finally, remember people’s depictions of life on Social Media can be a false representation of actual reality.

The good news is that studies have also shown the negative psychological effects of social media usage can be thwarted by being an informed and educated social media consumer. So remember, don’t always believe everything you see, and don’t believe everything you think.

Why Inspiration Can Be Dangerous

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Do you spend a huge amount of time waiting for motivation/inspiration?
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Whether it’s to write a song, or do an art or make a change, there is a popular notion that things of real value must be born of inspiration. One must feel some sort of deep, driving force to do something before it can be done and so it can be done organically, with authenticity.
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“Inspiration” is so in fash that it’s peddled day in day out in magazines and on insta feeds. I guess what is considered inspiring is different for all of us, and it can be great when it offers us guidance or helps spark our interest in something new.
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But, I feel like most of the time we should chuck the idea of inspiration in the bloody garbage.
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Instead of motivating and encouraging, I find that so called “inspiration” can be stifling, guilt-inducing, and lead you to focus on all the shit you don’t have/are not and wish you did/were.

Most people who claim to be peddling “inspiration” are often just “inspiring” you to spend your money with them. Nothing particularly noble or enlightening there. 
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Inspiration can also be dangerous when it’s considered to be the first step in a series of important actions or changes.
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BE INSPIRED – > DO THE THING
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I can tell you that I have spent a majority of time being uninspired or rationalised feelings of inspiration so much so that I’ve considered them to not be true or authentic inspiration. So I have not done the things. I was stuck at step one. Until I realised that you actually don’t even need step one. You can erase step one altogether and instead just…
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DO THE THING
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No stepping into the gospel church and seeing the light and backflipping down the aisle in your tuxedo, hat and sunglasses necessary.
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Real, positive change is already difficult, without the added pressure of expecting the motivation to come to you like a magic lightening bolt shot out of the ass of a neon unicorn. We have to start challenging desire-led notions of change like “you’ve got to want to change for change to happen”. If you want to change, then change. Doesn’t have to be all at once, but if there is something you want to do, or someone you want to be – do something, anything, to get a little closer to that. Don’t waste time waiting for inspiration. You might be left waiting forever.

Why We Should Let Artists Be Happy (And Stop Glamourising Suffering)

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“No great genius has ever existed without a touch of madness” – Aristotle.

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When’s the last time you heard someone say “I’m so glad that *insert tortured artist here* got clean and is mentally well adjusted. Their work is just so much better now.”
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We glorify suffering in the arts. To some degree, I think we equate it with depth. People who feel heaps of feelings must be so complex and multi-faceted and interesting. We often talk about how artists’ peak periods were fraught with misery and turmoil, and their biographies usually end with them dying or getting their shit together (which, in either case, completes the story). It’s true that studies have shown that creative people have an increased likelihood of suffering from mental illness in their lifetime. But are we helping the matter when we constantly equate ones own genius with ones own suffering? 
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As an adolescent, I bought into this “tortured-artist” thing hook, line and sinker. I idolised these people, I admired their art and I thought that their psychological illness only served to enhance their creativity. It made me less prone to addressing my own psych issues – hell, it made me, in a way, kind of proud of them. I must be complex, I must be deep, I must be interesting.  
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It took a while to break this illusion. Of course, the last thing an “artist” wants to be is less interesting. However, ones ability to make great art is not synonymous with living a great life. We’re constantly shocked when incredibly wealthy, successful artists, who seem to have achieved every creative and commercial accolade possible, reveal they suffer from depression or take their own lives. It’s almost like we think they’re not entitled to be sad when all the while we’ve been hyping the fact that it’s their sadness that helps makes them great.
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If you’re one who is prone to glamourising the suffering of your idols (or your own suffering), here are a few things to keep in mind;
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  1. 1. You live your life way more than you live your art. They’re not the same thing (even though it does sound wonderfully bohemian). 
  2. 2. Happiness & contentment is not creative suicide. Many artists have flourished with the clarity and balance that comes with getting your shit together. 
  3. 3. The longer you hold onto the idea of suffering as a beacon of complexity and productivity, the harder it will be to separate from it. There is much more that makes you and others prolific, complex and interesting besides unhappiness. 

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One of my favourite Americana singer/songwriters, Jason Isbell explores his journey with getting clean, starting a family and maintaining his career and creativity beyond the “tortured artist” concept. Despite walking away from his wild, reckless, outlaw lifestyle, his recent work is beautiful, nuanced and rich in complexity. Which goes to show art can thrive – beyond suffering, beyond misery, beyond  madness. 
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“I broke a promise to myself – to ride the throttle ’til the wheels came off (&) burn out like a molotov in the night sky. I broke a promise to myself. And made a couple to a brown-eyed girl who rode with me through the mean old world. Never say die.” Molotov, Jason Isbell. 

For crisis and suicide prevention support, contact Lifeline’s 24 hour crisis line on 13 11 14. For more information and help with depression contact your doctor or Beyond Blue.

HEAD FIRST

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People quantify success in many ways; what job you have, what car you drive, what school you send your kids to. I used to think that, in order to be successful, there was a bunch of stuff you needed to do/have/accomplish. But a few life lessons got me reevaluating my personal concept of success and exploring the notions of happiness and self-acceptance.
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The most important lesson I think I ever learned is that everything starts from the head first – with our ability to take in and make sense of the world. We can be our own best friend or our own worst enemy (and sometimes both at the same time).

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Our thinking determines everything. It determines how we feel about ourselves, how we feel about others, what we want, what we are capable of, how we feel about our past, how we feel about our future. It’s a daily struggle for lots of us, and for many, an inescapable nightmare. 

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But the conversations around mental health and mental wellness are often stuffy and boring. We bring it up when things are going wrong (and even then, we can still be reluctant to do so for fear of judgement). Rarely do we celebrate our moments of mental victory, or take a moment to consider how making little changes can positively enhance our lives.
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So I thought I’d start this blog. It’s nothing groundbreaking, but it is a chance to share thoughts, discoveries and observations on tackling life, love and everything else head first. Perhaps together we can learn a few things, help take the edge off and start building new, inclusive concepts of success, happiness and self-acceptance that are achievable for all of us. 

i(n)GRATITUDE

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Being grateful does us good. Studies have shown that we can increase our levels of happiness by cultivating a daily gratitude practice – that is, by taking time out every day to acknowledge a few things that we’re grateful for. It can help drag us out of the funk of forever focusing on the things we don’t have and be appreciative of the things we do have. But what about when we decide to take our gratitude to the mean feeds of social media? 
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I’ve always found loud and public gratitude kind of a weird thing. And since the emergence of apps like Facebook and Instagram, gratuitous gratitude is on constant, public display. People announcing how lucky they are for their partners, or how #blessed they are to be lounging on sunny beaches drinking cocktails. And I’m guilty of it too. Hell, I’ve posted my share of “Tough Day at Work” *posts photo at Opera Bar* and “Happy Anniversary to us! Here’s to many more”. I don’t want to get into shaming posts of gratitude, but I do sometimes wonder about my own intentions when it comes to posting this type of content. Whether I’m doing it to really acknowledge my gratitude, or whether I’m just keen for some quick and easy compliments to boost my self esteem and highlight to my Internet “friends” some of the aspects of my life that aren’t falling apart rn, and accompany them with some some stylised photography?
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There’s also the issue of how insensitive some of these posts can seem at times, particularly when you acknowledge that you’re bound to have people on your feed that are going through hard times and experiencing devastating loss, grief, loneliness, isolation, stress, anxiety and depression. I can only imagine how hard it is for someone scrolling their feed on Mother’s Day after losing their mother, or going through a divorce on Valentines Day. When your cyber declaration of gratitude only compounds another person’s feeling of hopelessness, was that public post really worth it? 
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Most of us have such a great deal to be grateful for, but perhaps sometimes it’s worth taking stock of how we can best express that gratitude with integrity and honesty. Maybe there’s power in #stay[ing]humble and taking a few moments before going to bed writing down or even just thinking about what makes us grateful in quiet reflection irl. Or maybe that’s so two-thousand-and-late and just post about everything on Twitter, idk. This whole social media revolution has changed the way we interact with our world and to some degree with ourselves and our own thoughts and feelings. Whether gratitude has a place here remains to be seen. And while we’re still working it out, I will be sharing photos from my upcoming holiday to Vegas. Bc #blessed (and also, I like compliments). 

 

FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU MAKE IT

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Do you ever notice, when you do something a little differently, maybe a new approach, or a new attitude or behaviour, a part of you says “Hey. Why are you being fake?” As if you’re being a traitor to your own “pure” nature?
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This happens to me all the time. I remember when I first started going to the gym, some voice in my head kept saying “Oi. Why are you at the gym? You’re not a gym person. Nobody likes a fake.”
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It’s a strange phenomenon. It’s almost like somewhere along the way (for me, I think it was adolescence) you decide what the real “you” is – this unfettered, undiluted, pure version of “you” – and then, when you do anything to challenge it, a part of you gets indignant and tries to talk you out of it.
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It’s funny because we hate the idea of being “fake” or trying to be something false or inauthentic.

You’re constantly told “Be Yourself”, but why?

When it’s restricting you from being who you’d prefer to be? What if parts of who I “really” am are kinda shitty? Maybe I’ve always been a bit judgy, and impatient, and a sulk? Do  I accept that’s how I am? Because that’s how I’ve always been, and therefore how I’ll always be. Or can I say, “hey, I’m gonna start trying to be less of a stroppy, whingy bitch?”
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The old, primal centre of our brain isn’t a big fan of change. This was because back when we were cave dwellers, change could mean getting eaten by wolves or dying from eating poisonous clams. For some us, this caveman brain is over-active. It wants you to be the same way you always have been because it’s is safe, comfortable and predictable – even if it hasn’t served you in your life thus far particularly well. This is why when you try to shake things up and think/behave a little differently, it goes “HEY. WHAT THIS? PLS DON’T.”
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If you want to change who you are to make yourself happier, healthier or get you closer to your goals, don’t stress over being “fake” or betraying the person you think you rly are. We can adopt and develop new habits, behaviours and thought patterns all throughout our life. Parts of our brains can make change difficult but not impossible.

Your identity is not a prison, it’s a playground.

Try new things, be curious, have fun, and be what makes you happy.

STRONG IS THE NEW BRAIN-THING

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We like the idea of being strong. It’s nice to not collapse while carrying your grocery bags, or put your back out moving a couch, or sob defeated in the corner of the kitchen thanks to the lid of a peanut butter jar.

We admire the physique of men and woman who are strong as we understand they didn’t get there by accident. Physical strength takes discipline. It takes commitment. It takes continuous and repeated attempts, many failures, some injuries (perhaps) and lots of bloody hard work. No one just “is strong”, strength is earned over time, and garners respect.

So why is it that we don’t treat psychological strength the same way?

Psychological strength or resilience is possibly one of the most useful assets we can develop. It’s what gives us the ability to bounce back from hardship and mentally deal with lots of life’s bullshit. And while it’s often just assumed that we’re built equipped by default, for many of us, this is just not the case. If you’ve ever struggled with depression or anxiety, self esteem issues or feelings of unworthiness, you’ll probably appreciate how much work it takes to simply try and take control of these nasty mental gremlins.
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So how do you build your brain muscles? It’s certainly possible, but like washboard abs or a sick set of Sarah Connor arms, it can take lots of training and commitment. Not made easier by the fact that the brain’s a lazy piece of shit that always prefers to do what it’s always done. So if you’ve come to think of yourself as a limp noodle who deserves to cop all of life’s misery, it’s gonna take a helluva lot more effort to shift that pattern of thinking than simply buying a Poo Emoji mug that says “Good Vibes Only”.
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Currently I’m trying out Mindfulness practices to help develop my own psychological resilience. Here’s a few that are currently in the werks…
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  • EXERCISE:
    This was the first thing that worked for me, and I was shocked to say the least (I had a “sick” day pretty much every PD/H/PE day in high school and thought people who did sport were boring.) Working out drags you kicking and screaming into the present moment, which means you cant sulk about the past, or fret about the future. You just suffer, sweaty and exhausted, in the present. And hopefully get a nice butt.
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  • DAILY MEDITATION:
    Have tried and failed at this many times. What can I say, Im shithouse at meditation. I get bored. I think about breakfast. I think about memes. I design stylish macrame hangings. Basically everything but meditate. Have started up again, committed to 15min each morning with a guided track. This is a work in progress.
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  • GIVING MYSELF SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO:
    I love this one because it makes me justify random holidays as a self-care thing.
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  • CUTTING DOWN ON MULTI-TASKING:
    This one is pretty much the hardest atm, but am taking baby steps. Like most of us, I try to do lots of stuff all at once (read: I try do do lots of stuff while also doing the internet). It’s not particularly efficient, it’s a poor use of resources and guarantees that my mind isn’t ever completely in the task at hand. In an effort to cultivate mindfulness, I’ve given myself the challenge to complete certain tasks (such as cooking dinner or cleaning the apartment) without scrolling through Instagram or refreshing Facebook. This sounds boring, and it is, but it’s supposed to be good for you so I’m trying it.

MEMORY MAKING (AND FAKING)

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Imagine you could go on a holiday, but once it was over, you had to erase any evidence that it ever occurred and your mind was wiped clean of any recollection of it happening. How much would you pay for such a holiday? Would you even bother going at all?
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We spend a great deal of our lives tending to the making of memories. They feel intrinsic to who we are, and an accurate record of our past experiences. But often these memories are far from accurate and often cultivated at the expense of our experiencing self – the self who would’ve likely had a damn good holiday.
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The experiencing self is the one that answers the question “How does it feel now?”, the remembering self is the one that answers the question “How was it, on the whole?” “Memories are all we get to keep from our experiences of living, and the only perspective that we can adopt as we think about our lives is therefore that of the remembering self.”
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Only thing is, that our memories work in strange ways. Not so much remembering things as they actually were but rather fleshed out from a bare few indicators of significant or intense experience – namely the peak and the end. Think back to your last relationship. Chances are, if things ended badly, it’s harder to remember all those happy, content and satisfied feelings you felt together before things went south. Or getting a tattoo – it might not have hurt too badly the whole time, but you’ll remember the worst of the pain and that’s what you’ll take away from it.
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Our remembering self is important because it allows us to learn and grow from past experiences. But it can be unhelpful when we compare present experiences with the memories of old ones, as they can pale by comparison – not due to the fact that the current events are any less significant or meaningful, but rather our remembering self has imbued the past with a reverence not so much earned by the events themselves but by the constant re-remembering of them. So the good times are remembered as amazing times and the bad times are often remembered as being much worse than they were.
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A lesson to be learned here is to have a healthy skepticism of our memories, and not to disregard the experiencing self as transitory and insignificant. Spend time cultivating mindfulness and try and be present in the moment as it occurs. It’s a challenge, especially in our current society where a moment can be captured so easily by an iPhone, with a selfie stick, or when you (me) have just bought a new SLR camera.
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“The photographer does not view the scene as a moment to be avoided but as a future memory to be designed. Pictures may be useful to the remembering self – though we rarely look at them for very long, or as often as we expected, or even at all – but picture taking is not necessarily the best way for the tourist’s experiencing self to enjoy a view. ”
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Ol’ Johnny was spot on…
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Quotes taken from Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking Fast & Slow (Pages 381 & 389)